1 00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:03,533 Mona: Previously on half and half... 2 00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:06,272 You know, Naomi, there was a time 3 00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:08,314 when I'd just smile and let your arrogance slide, 4 00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:09,789 but that time is not now. 5 00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:12,189 So get your ass up out my chair. 6 00:00:12,273 --> 00:00:13,973 Hi. 7 00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,927 When you said you arranged a spa day for me, 8 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:18,666 I didn't realize you meant a spa day for me and you. 9 00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:20,627 You said you needed a massage, 10 00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:22,976 and I've really been enjoying spending time together. 11 00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:25,944 I just want you to know how much. 12 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,246 [Soft piano music] 13 00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:29,942 [Whispers] I'm sorry. 14 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,390 I just can't handle this right now. 15 00:00:32,684 --> 00:00:33,924 You haven't returned his calls. 16 00:00:33,946 --> 00:00:35,376 He has no idea what's going on. 17 00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:37,430 [Sighs] I think you owe him an explanation. 18 00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,815 Spencer, my first boyfriend and I, 19 00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:43,909 [sighs] We didn't use condoms, and I contracted HIV. 20 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,000 [Whispers] Damn. 21 00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:50,401 Yeah, when I tell people, I get all kinds of reactions. 22 00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:52,695 That's why I haven't had many serious relationships. 23 00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:55,191 [Tongue clicks] It doesn't matter. 24 00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,632 But you're still the same girl I want to get to know better. 25 00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:01,103 Let's start here. 26 00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:06,937 [Introductory musical note] 27 00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:08,893 I haven't been bowling since high school. 28 00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:10,241 That was so much fun. 29 00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:11,511 Not for me. 30 00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:14,813 - You kicked me butt. - [Laughter] 31 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:18,600 - That's why it was so much fun. - [Laughter] 32 00:01:18,687 --> 00:01:20,247 Hold up. 33 00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:22,821 - The lady said no jalapenos. - Spencer, it's ok. 34 00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:25,688 No. I want you to have them the way you want them. 35 00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:28,091 Waiter, take these back. 36 00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:29,995 And don't just pick the jalapenos off the top. 37 00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:35,571 - Cause I'll know. - [Laughter] 38 00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:39,398 Spencer, you're really special. 39 00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:43,448 - I think so, too. - [Laughter] 40 00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,628 [Introductory theme song] 41 00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:50,634 ♪ through this journey of discovery ♪ 42 00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:55,119 ♪ you finding you I'm finding me ♪ 43 00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:58,812 ♪ now that I have someone special ♪ 44 00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:00,601 ♪ who brings out the joy ♪ 45 00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:02,465 ♪ brings out the joy inside of me ♪ 46 00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:04,777 ♪ inside of me ♪ 47 00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:07,043 ♪ we can become whatever we want ♪ 48 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,647 ♪ all we need is lovin' ♪ 49 00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:12,648 ♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪ 50 00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:14,871 ♪ you and me ♪ 51 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,660 [Off-key] ♪ me ♪ 52 00:02:17,746 --> 00:02:19,656 Ooh. [Ironic laughter] 53 00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,492 So ladies, I just got my shooting script 54 00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:25,008 for junior high horror 3D... 55 00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:26,451 Hey, Mona, listen to this. 56 00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:28,237 [Laughter] 57 00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:30,982 Did I tell you my new boyfriend Brad is an actor? 58 00:02:31,063 --> 00:02:33,023 We met during my mom's wardrobe fitting. 59 00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:35,629 He's playing murdered teacher number one. 60 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,330 [Laughter] 61 00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:38,938 Yes, you told me. 62 00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:40,728 Every day for the last two weeks. 63 00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:42,682 But it's better than listening to you whine on 64 00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:45,031 about your dating drought, or your lack of s-e-x. 65 00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:47,341 [Laughter] 66 00:02:47,428 --> 00:02:48,668 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't think you could spell 67 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:51,000 - after three martinis. - [Laughter] 68 00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,913 Well, I can, and it's been four. 69 00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:55,038 - [Laughter] - Any who, who would've thought 70 00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:56,701 that Dee lafontaine's big screen debut 71 00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,565 would be as a gym teacher. 72 00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:00,266 You mean, since the only exercise you get 73 00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:02,574 is chasing down diamonds and running up bills? 74 00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:03,790 [Laughter] 75 00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,139 A tee-hee. Now, 76 00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:06,798 in my people scene, 77 00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:08,642 I'm trapped in the showers by a zombie ex-student 78 00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,226 helled bent on revenge. 79 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,600 Charles, help me show the girls what we rehearsed. 80 00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:12,626 [Coughs] 81 00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,665 [Sighs] Don't kill me! 82 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:19,160 - Please, don't kill me. - [Laughter] 83 00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:21,072 So she finally pushed you over the edge. 84 00:03:21,157 --> 00:03:22,767 [Laughter] 85 00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:24,814 Go for it, little man. No one will blame you. 86 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,510 - Just let me get a good seat. - [Laughter] 87 00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:30,598 [Introductory musical note] 88 00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:31,988 Brad... 89 00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:33,561 I've really had a great time with you 90 00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,168 these last couple of weeks. 91 00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:36,738 We owe it all to your mom. 92 00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:38,125 I'm just sorry I got murdered 93 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,238 before I got to know her better. 94 00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:41,092 [Laughter] 95 00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,867 Hey, listen. I have some great news. 96 00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:44,831 I've been cast in the new San Francisco based 97 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,570 reality show. 98 00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,231 That is fantastic! 99 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,055 Yeah, it's called "the real one". 100 00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:51,622 It airs live, and cameras follow me. 101 00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,189 In my quest to find a soul mate. 102 00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,446 [Laughter] 103 00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:58,019 But I thought we were dating. 104 00:03:58,107 --> 00:04:00,457 Look around, a cozy booth, a dimly lit bar, 105 00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:01,634 my hand on your thigh. 106 00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,939 [Laughter] 107 00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:06,546 Don't worry. I'm only doing this show for my career. 108 00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:07,957 Besides, there's no reason we can't continue 109 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,206 dating on camera. 110 00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:12,693 You want me to be on the show with you? 111 00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:15,084 With cameras and everything? 112 00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:16,837 Sure, we'll just keep doing what we're doing now. 113 00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:18,205 Except with more make-up. 114 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,091 [Laughter] 115 00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:21,392 You're wearing make-up? 116 00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:23,478 [Laughter] 117 00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,197 As an actor, I feel it's in my best interest. 118 00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:26,531 - [Coughs] - [Laughter] 119 00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,224 So, what do you say? 120 00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:31,621 Wow. I've never dated anyone on TV before, 121 00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:34,136 but, ok, I guess. 122 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:36,150 - So when do I have to be ready? - Right now. 123 00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,232 Dee Dee, nice to meet you, your job is to look hot. 124 00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:39,891 Brad, you're trying to figure out 125 00:04:39,975 --> 00:04:41,815 if she's your soul mate or someone you bang tonight. 126 00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:43,816 Now make me laugh, make me cry, because if this show tanks, 127 00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:45,438 I'm back to videotaping crime scenes, and... 128 00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:48,809 - Action. - [Laughter] 129 00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:51,467 Brad! Nice to meet you. 130 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:52,902 My name is Dee Dee. 131 00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,728 I'm saying that because we've never met. 132 00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:57,116 Although some people say we've all met in a previous life, 133 00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:59,079 - do you think that's true? - Well, I guess... 134 00:04:59,168 --> 00:05:00,818 I totally agree. 135 00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:02,949 It's like the editorial in the wall street journal. 136 00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:04,741 Which I read today as I do every day, 137 00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,506 after I finish the San Francisco chronicle, 138 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:07,887 which I really only get for the sodoku... 139 00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,176 Dee Dee... 140 00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:10,605 Take a breath and have some wine. 141 00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:11,921 Let me talk. 142 00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:13,697 [Laughter] 143 00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,711 So, Brad, what do you do for fun? 144 00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:20,022 - Well, I run... - Me too! Five miles a day. 145 00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:22,842 Although, what's really helped me is sports meditation. 146 00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:24,191 Sometimes I just chant... 147 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:25,720 Stay on her. She's a time bomb. 148 00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:27,113 We're talking tick tick boom. 149 00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:29,016 Dee Dee, go. Dee Dee, go. 150 00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:31,461 And it really works because my job is stressful... 151 00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,328 [Introductory musical note] 152 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:34,640 - [Knock on door] - [Shighs] 153 00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:38,604 - Hey. - Hey. 154 00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,856 It's really good to see you. 155 00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:43,299 Well, I figured I should really thank you 156 00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:44,826 for talking Naomi into talking to me. 157 00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:46,909 I just thought she owed you an explanation 158 00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:48,388 for the way she was treating you. 159 00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:50,738 [Tongue clicks] Well, she had one. 160 00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:52,088 Actually, it was a good one. 161 00:05:52,177 --> 00:05:53,957 Oh, really, like what? 162 00:05:54,049 --> 00:05:56,179 [Sighs] She's HIV positive. 163 00:05:56,268 --> 00:05:57,748 [Audience gasps] 164 00:05:57,835 --> 00:05:58,835 Wow. 165 00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:03,666 Spencer, I never liked her, but now I wish I hadn't 166 00:06:03,754 --> 00:06:05,894 said so many terrible things about her. 167 00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:09,544 [Sighs] Yeah. You have been pretty rough on her. 168 00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:12,810 Look, Spencer, I'm so sorry, I know how into Naomi you were. 169 00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:15,684 Were? I still am. 170 00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:17,286 What, you think I'm so shallow 171 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,047 that I can just turn off my feelings because of this? 172 00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:20,684 You? Well, yeah. 173 00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:23,211 [Laughter] 174 00:06:23,295 --> 00:06:24,465 Well, maybe a year ago. 175 00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:30,035 But a lot of people have already turned against Naomi. 176 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,998 I'm not gonna be one of them. 177 00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:33,347 [Opens door and closes] 178 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:35,436 [Introductory musical note] 179 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,305 And every time the camera was on, 180 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,217 I turned into this babbling idiot 181 00:06:39,311 --> 00:06:40,491 I don't even know. 182 00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:41,814 I mean, I'm not like that at all. 183 00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:43,156 Am I like that? I'm not like that. 184 00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:44,448 Oh, my god, I am like that. 185 00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:45,714 [Laughter] 186 00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:47,446 I bet you if you pour us some scotch, 187 00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:48,837 we'll all feel better. 188 00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:50,490 - [Laughter] - Or at least less parched. 189 00:06:52,324 --> 00:06:54,504 Having a drink to cheer myself up. 190 00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:56,018 Dear lord, is this how it starts? 191 00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:57,371 [Laughter] 192 00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:59,200 It starts with talking to yourself. 193 00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:01,288 [Laughter] 194 00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:03,287 Yes, that's exactly how it started. 195 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,358 [Sighs] Well, I have some very exciting news. 196 00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:07,782 Junior high horror 3D, 197 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:09,952 has just brought on an "a" list director. 198 00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:13,078 Congratulations! Who is it? Tim Burton, Wes craven? 199 00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:16,091 - Ludvig kapec. - [Laughter] 200 00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:17,464 He has brought us some of the world's 201 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,530 favorite czechoslovakian films, 202 00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:22,093 including a highly praised: A pierogie for pavel. 203 00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,750 - [Laughter] - [Dee gasps] 204 00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:27,014 As an auteur, he has changed my part dramatically. 205 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:30,748 Dee lafontaine will be doing a nude scene. 206 00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:33,061 Bare, buck naked. 207 00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,368 [Laughter] 208 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,235 - That's fantastic. - It is? 209 00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:38,456 It is? 210 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,235 Charles: Of course, it is. 211 00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,179 [Clicks] Your mother's got the back porch to pull it off. 212 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,330 [Laughter] 213 00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:47,226 Mom, how much of this do I have to drink 214 00:07:47,249 --> 00:07:48,419 to forget what he said? 215 00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:50,641 [Laughter] 216 00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:51,971 You need a little bit more than that, baby. 217 00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:53,123 [Laughter] 218 00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:55,741 [Introductory musical note] 219 00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,963 [Sighs] Bringing your sister to watch your boyfriend 220 00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,652 on a date with another girl. 221 00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:00,930 We should have our own reality show 222 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,258 called I'm with crazy. 223 00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:04,701 [Laughter] 224 00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:07,438 Ooh, Brad's date's a hottie. 225 00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:09,880 Since when does blond, silky hair and big jugs 226 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,577 make someone hot? 227 00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:14,275 - Since man walked upright. - [Laughter] 228 00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,499 Dee Dee: Wow. He likes her. 229 00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:19,984 I can't believe it. I thought he liked me. 230 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,244 I'm sure he's just pretending to like her for the show. 231 00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:25,677 - Brad's not that good an actor. - [Laughter] 232 00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,986 Dee Dee, is dating this guy on camera really worth it? 233 00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:31,212 [Sighs] Let's see. Boyfriend on camera, 234 00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:33,303 or back to lonely nights and weekends 235 00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:34,822 relying on you for something to do 236 00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:36,575 when you're not too busy with your boyfriend. 237 00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:39,173 - Yeah. It's worth it. - [Laughter] 238 00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:41,217 And... cut. 239 00:08:41,303 --> 00:08:42,873 I think we got us a hot, new romance. 240 00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:48,054 I need to talk to Brad for a second, Cindy. 241 00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:50,746 Why don't you use that time to button your blouse. 242 00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:53,054 - If you can. - [Laughter] 243 00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:55,101 Brad doesn't seem to mind. 244 00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,356 Do you, Brad? 245 00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:59,018 [Giggling] 246 00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:01,243 [Laughter] 247 00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:03,113 Look, I've given it some thought, 248 00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:06,244 and I'm not really comfortable competing with other women. 249 00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:07,848 Let me guess, you heard about Jennifer. 250 00:09:07,938 --> 00:09:09,848 The massage in the hot tub was totally innocent. 251 00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,160 [Laughter] 252 00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:13,196 I didn't hear about that. 253 00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:14,571 Oh, then it must be about Renee. 254 00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:15,921 She just likes to talk with her top off. 255 00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:17,596 [Laughter] 256 00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:19,207 I must've missed a lot of episodes. 257 00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,323 Come on, Dee Dee, it's my job to make this stuff 258 00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:23,744 as stimulating as possible. 259 00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,784 Was sticking your tongue down Cindy's throat 260 00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,089 part of your job? 261 00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:28,605 You know what, last time I checked, 262 00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:30,658 I was the one picking the real one, 263 00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,444 and Dee Dee, you're not it. 264 00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:35,329 - You're breaking up with me? - Get a close up. 265 00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,187 I want to get the look of shock on her face. 266 00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:38,272 You're filming this? 267 00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:39,396 That's the look. We got it. 268 00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:41,578 [Laughter] 269 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,800 [Laughter] 270 00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:46,795 [Introductory musical note] 271 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:47,890 [Doorbell buzzes] 272 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,976 - Hey, Spencer. - Hey. 273 00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,808 I brought your favorite pizza. Sausage and pepperoni, 274 00:09:53,897 --> 00:09:55,767 with extra sausage and pepperoni. 275 00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:59,159 Oh, you've been paying attention. 276 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,210 I like that. 277 00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:02,736 [Gasps] I got something for you, too. 278 00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:06,872 I booked us a ski trip in Aspen. 279 00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:08,264 A less sophisticated brother 280 00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:10,646 might have suggested we go to Vegas, 281 00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,870 though there's a special rate at circus circus. 282 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,920 - You like sin city, baby? - [Laughter] 283 00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,395 You know, Spencer, 284 00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,915 when I first found out about my HIV status, 285 00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:20,969 I totally shut down emotionally. 286 00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:23,135 Which is understandable. 287 00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:25,411 I mean, that's pretty devastating news. 288 00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:27,244 But I'm here to help with all of that. 289 00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:28,582 [Laughter] 290 00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,331 And you have. 291 00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:32,242 You've accepted everything about me. 292 00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:33,627 And because of you, 293 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,000 I know I'm worthy of being loved again. 294 00:10:35,025 --> 00:10:37,985 - Yes, you are. - [Laughter] 295 00:10:38,072 --> 00:10:39,472 Spencer, you've given me the courage 296 00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,421 to open up and to believe 297 00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:43,640 that someone can love me despite my situation. 298 00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:47,256 So I'm willing to give our relationship a chance. 299 00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:49,822 I knew all this mocha manhood 300 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:51,480 would finally get your attention. 301 00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:53,783 [Laughter] 302 00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:57,480 I meant, I'm ready to confess how I feel 303 00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,179 to a guy I fell in love with years ago. 304 00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:03,138 - What? - [Laughter] 305 00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:05,137 I've just always been too scared to tell him. 306 00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:08,804 But, I... [Scoffs] 307 00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,275 Where the hell did he come from? 308 00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:11,705 [Laughter] 309 00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,671 We've been friends for years. 310 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,330 I've just been too afraid to pursue it further. 311 00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,904 But now, I'm not. Thanks to you. 312 00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:20,852 I'm so damn helpful. 313 00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:22,861 [Laughter] 314 00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:29,467 [Sighs] I'll never forget what you did for me, Spencer. 315 00:11:29,558 --> 00:11:30,558 [Doorbell buzzes] 316 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:34,649 [Exhales] 317 00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:39,347 Hey, guys. I'm glad you're both here. 318 00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:41,917 I brought you a little present. 319 00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:43,745 Naomi, I know you and 320 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,843 I have had our difficulties in the past. 321 00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,712 But that's just what it is, the past. 322 00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,164 Cause now that you and Spencer are together... 323 00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,226 Mona, she just dumped me. 324 00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:52,911 How could you do that to him? 325 00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,799 [Laughter] 326 00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:57,188 Old Mona. Pleasant as usual. 327 00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:58,981 [Laughter] 328 00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:00,546 Spencer, 329 00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,202 I hope we can still be friends. 330 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:04,716 - He's got friends. - [Laughter] 331 00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:10,693 Man. 332 00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:12,603 Didn't see that one coming. 333 00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:13,968 Spence, I know it doesn't seem... 334 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:16,264 I just want to be alone right now. 335 00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:17,784 Are you sure? 336 00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:18,907 Because I'm here. 337 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:22,830 Mona, the only reason you came over here 338 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,396 is because you're feeling guilty. 339 00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:26,532 You haven't supported me through any of this. 340 00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:28,745 Now you want to act like you care? 341 00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,005 Well, I know you don't. 342 00:12:31,228 --> 00:12:32,228 So just leave. 343 00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:34,317 [Scoffs] 344 00:12:37,539 --> 00:12:40,409 [Introductory musical note] 345 00:12:43,023 --> 00:12:46,503 [Introductory musical note] 346 00:12:46,591 --> 00:12:48,121 Where are Dee Dee and Spencer? 347 00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:49,992 It's not like him to miss a free meal. 348 00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,553 He's not speaking to me, 349 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,860 so I'm guessing he's not eating with me either. 350 00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,507 Hey, your father and I 351 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,040 shared many a silent, angry meal together. 352 00:12:58,125 --> 00:13:00,295 Those were some of our happiest times. 353 00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:01,778 I really blew it, mom. 354 00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:03,348 Spencer's completely shut me out. 355 00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,194 Oh, baby. Sometimes, when the people you love 356 00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:06,702 tell you to leave them alone, 357 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,656 it just means they need you more than ever. 358 00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:10,664 That's why I have five keys to your apartment. 359 00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:13,226 - And a ladder for the window. - [Laughter] 360 00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:14,644 Mom, when I tell you to leave me alone, 361 00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,323 - i really mean it. - Can't hear you. 362 00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:18,714 Ok, people, I'm here. 363 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,448 And I don't want to talk about last night's TV disaster. 364 00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:23,409 I'm sure nobody saw it anyway. 365 00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:26,198 Oh, my gosh. You were on "the real one". 366 00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:28,373 You're desperate Dee Dee. 367 00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:29,979 You look more haggard in person. 368 00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:32,860 But who wouldn't after that humiliating break up. 369 00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:35,212 [Laughter] 370 00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:37,382 Ok, one person saw. 371 00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:39,728 Dee Dee. From "the real one". 372 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,999 [Chuckles] Don't deny it, I can tell by the look in your eyes. 373 00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:46,743 - I love you, Dee Dee. - [Laughter] 374 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:50,526 - Ok, Mr. Nutty. Move it along. - [Laughter] 375 00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:53,702 Oh, my god. 376 00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:55,529 I've been branded desperate Dee Dee 377 00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:56,877 from "the real one". 378 00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:59,136 - I'm gonna die alone. - [Laughter] 379 00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:00,579 You can always get some cats. 380 00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:02,535 You want me to die alone covered in cat hair. 381 00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:03,934 [Laughter] 382 00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:05,797 Too bad you can't get back on the show. 383 00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,408 Maybe you could change your image, 384 00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,298 and not seem like a needy, pathetic loser anymore. 385 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:11,106 I say, go for it. 386 00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:12,498 I mean, it can't get any worse. 387 00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:13,870 Hey, if you won't go out with me, 388 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,416 can you at least sign my chest? 389 00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:18,246 - I'm very smooth. - [Laughter] 390 00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,635 [Introductory musical note] 391 00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:21,729 Bye, baby. 392 00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:24,391 Phyllis, have you heard the big news? 393 00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:26,262 My Dee is doing a nude scene in her movie, 394 00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:27,693 junior high horror 3D. 395 00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,559 - [Laughter] - That's right. 396 00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:31,521 Though I've been a dedicated user, 397 00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:34,129 I've stepped up my regimen of olay face and body products. 398 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,461 By the time I do my nude scene, 399 00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:37,656 I'll have the skin of a newborn. 400 00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:38,976 Minus the baby fat and afterbirth. 401 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:40,488 [Laughter] 402 00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:42,205 Now the whole world will see her amazing body. 403 00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:43,489 In 3D. 404 00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:46,018 Big girl naked on the big screen. 405 00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,502 Now that really is a horror film. 406 00:14:47,582 --> 00:14:49,542 [Laughter] 407 00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,757 [Giggles] 408 00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:53,367 I'm going to the ladies room, Brad. 409 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:54,997 And when I come back, you'll have to guess 410 00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:58,384 which article of clothing I am not wearing. 411 00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:00,382 Here's a hint. [Giggles] 412 00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:04,642 [Laughter] 413 00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:05,909 God, I love that girl. 414 00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:07,602 [Laughter] 415 00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:09,649 Hi, Brad. 416 00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:11,014 Dee Dee, what are you doing here? 417 00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:15,741 [Lips smack] 418 00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,567 We're good together, Brad. 419 00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,435 You know it, I know it, 420 00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:21,047 and 88% of viewers 421 00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:22,377 who took the on-line poll know it. 422 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,709 [Laughter] 423 00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:25,793 Cindy: Brad! 424 00:15:25,881 --> 00:15:27,751 I thought you liked me. 425 00:15:27,839 --> 00:15:29,409 I scribbled your name on a body part 426 00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,323 I was gonna pour honey on later. 427 00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:33,018 [Giggles] 428 00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:34,666 I'm sorry, Cindy. 429 00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:37,019 Oh, don't look so sad. 430 00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:38,550 You'll be ok. 431 00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:40,723 Sluts tend to land on their feet. 432 00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:42,379 Well, actually on their backs, 433 00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:43,773 but you know what I mean. 434 00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:48,774 Actually, I'm happy for you, Dee Dee. 435 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:50,340 After your break up with Brad, 436 00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:53,037 there was just something so desperate about you. 437 00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:55,996 [Sighs] Like you hadn't had a date in a really long time. 438 00:15:57,521 --> 00:15:59,571 It's clear you need Brad more than I do. 439 00:15:59,654 --> 00:16:01,574 So, you take him. 440 00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:04,306 You'd sacrifice me to make Dee Dee happy? 441 00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:05,528 Cindy, you're amazing. 442 00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:07,616 [Scoffs] Am I, Brad? 443 00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:11,315 [Laughter] 444 00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:12,965 Yeah. You are. 445 00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:14,839 Cindy... 446 00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:15,930 You're the real one. 447 00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:18,498 - [Giggles] - Oh, hell no! 448 00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,236 You can't reject me twice. 449 00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:22,977 Please, Brad. She's not the real one. 450 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,439 I'm the real one. Say I'm the real one. 451 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:25,461 Say it! Say it! 452 00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:28,069 [Laughter] 453 00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:29,731 I so totally made the right choice. 454 00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:31,564 - [Giggles] - [Laughter] 455 00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,782 -[Introductory musical note] [Doorbell buzzes] 456 00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:37,393 Look, I know you don't want to talk to me. 457 00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:39,224 [RandB music] Mona, this is not a good time. 458 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,872 Too bad, I'm not letting you go through this alone. 459 00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,737 Oh, my god. You're binging. 460 00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:45,698 [Laughter] 461 00:16:45,787 --> 00:16:47,767 It's like our first year of college all over again. 462 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:49,399 It's how I gained my freshman 15. 463 00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:50,486 I gained 30. 464 00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:53,321 - It was a thick year. - [Laughter] 465 00:16:54,839 --> 00:16:56,019 Spencer, don't do this. 466 00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,672 Remember all the books 467 00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:59,465 the nutrition counselor made us read that said, 468 00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:01,146 we're just hurting ourselves. 469 00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:03,497 - Books lie. - [Laughter] 470 00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:04,847 Marshmallow creme is my friend. 471 00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:06,496 [Laughter] 472 00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:07,850 Don't worry. 473 00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:09,179 Your on screen fiasco will blow over 474 00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:10,442 just as soon as the next media whore 475 00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:11,554 gets his or her 15 minutes. 476 00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:15,081 - Hopefully, that'll be me. - [Laughter] 477 00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:16,644 Miss lafontaine, 478 00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:18,531 I need to see your body before the nude scene. 479 00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:20,339 - I hope you don't mind. - [Laughter] 480 00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:22,260 Mind? I'm an actor, Mr. Kapec. 481 00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,475 A tool for you to create your cinematic vision. 482 00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:25,775 - Implement me. - Mom! 483 00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:28,218 Are you sure? 484 00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:29,958 Your father doesn't care, so why should I? 485 00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:32,571 [Grunts] 486 00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,140 Oh, no, no! 487 00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:35,227 I cannot work with this. 488 00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:37,556 What have you done to yourself? 489 00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:38,621 [Laughter] 490 00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,099 Well, I've had two kids, 491 00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,889 and I've been around the block a few times. 492 00:17:42,974 --> 00:17:45,284 This is not body of middle aged gymnastics coach. 493 00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,068 This is nubile teenager. 494 00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:49,293 A virginal nymph wandering in the forest. 495 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:50,592 [Laughter] 496 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,848 I need old, wrinkled flesh. 497 00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,547 Please don't fire me because my skin is so supple. 498 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:57,950 [Laughter] 499 00:17:58,033 --> 00:17:59,733 Ludvig not fire you. 500 00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,687 Will get wrinkled body double. 501 00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:03,686 I saw old, black man playing sax outside gate. 502 00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:06,776 Get me old, black man playing sax outside gate. 503 00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:07,958 [Laughter] 504 00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:10,918 Oh! Thank god. 505 00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,552 I really didn't want to be naked on screen. 506 00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:14,089 But thanks to my olay products, 507 00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,860 I might be up for the younger acting parts. 508 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,570 Perhaps as Halle Berry's twin sister. 509 00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:18,711 [Laughter] 510 00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,453 Dee, stop. 511 00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,034 I don't want you doing this nude scene. 512 00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:23,887 The truth is, I never wanted you to do this. 513 00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:26,932 I don't want the whole world seeing what I see every night. 514 00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:28,978 Or every other weekend, if I'm lucky. 515 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:30,634 [Laughter] 516 00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,627 If that's what you want, darling, 517 00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:35,681 I'll tell ludvig he'll have to get a body double. 518 00:18:35,766 --> 00:18:37,026 As long as you're happy, 519 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,896 I don't even care if it's an old black man. 520 00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,547 [Laughter] 521 00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:44,172 Thanks, Dee. 522 00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,273 I think a more appropriate thank you 523 00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:46,908 would be a trip to Tiffany. 524 00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:48,475 [Laughter] 525 00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:49,932 I'll get the Bentley, and the black card. 526 00:18:49,954 --> 00:18:51,394 - [Hums] - [Laughter] 527 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,218 That performance was inspired. 528 00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:59,140 Daddy had no idea you were playing him. 529 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:00,615 He never does. 530 00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,664 Marriage has actually improved my acting. 531 00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,400 [Laughter] 532 00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:06,541 You can't beat cheese in a can. 533 00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:08,413 It's so damn convenient. 534 00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:15,422 Spencer, I am so sorry. 535 00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,032 I let my feelings about Naomi 536 00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,682 get in the way of our friendship. 537 00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:19,976 Me, too. 538 00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:21,551 I promise to be more supportive 539 00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:24,028 of your relationships from now on. 540 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:25,949 And if you want to talk about Naomi all night, 541 00:19:26,034 --> 00:19:27,434 I'll listen. 542 00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:30,524 [Sighs] The thing that gets me is, 543 00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,914 it didn't matter to me that she has HIV. 544 00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:34,737 I just wish I could've shown her 545 00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:35,995 how evolved I am. 546 00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:39,217 Spencer, I'm sure Naomi saw that. 547 00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:40,478 You've really grown 548 00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:42,310 since the guy I knew in college. 549 00:19:42,398 --> 00:19:44,228 - You think so? - Yeah.[Laugh] 550 00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:46,706 But let's make sure you don't grow too much. 551 00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:47,804 [Laughter] 552 00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:52,191 I've always said, you're never too old 553 00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:53,544 to take care of your skin. 554 00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:55,847 You should know. You're in your early 100s. 555 00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:57,723 [Laughter] 556 00:19:57,805 --> 00:19:59,235 Phyllis, you should use 557 00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:01,198 this quench body lotion on your elbows. 558 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:03,807 Yeah, they're like sandpaper. 559 00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,398 You nudged me earlier, and damn near cut me. 560 00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:07,821 [Laughter] 561 00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:10,172 Mona, can you rub some lotion on my back? 562 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,782 I'm having a little trouble reaching 563 00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:13,692 on account of my massive biceps. 564 00:20:14,561 --> 00:20:16,431 Sorry, I don't rub anything 565 00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:18,319 on anyone who doesn't take me out to dinner first. 566 00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:20,307 -[Laughter] [Introductory musical note] 567 00:20:20,357 --> 00:20:24,907 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0